Awareness
by Romula Linders
Summary: Nessie Cullen knows Jacob Black's presence as well as her own. But one day the presence she knows shifts in a world changing way.
1. Doubt

**Chapter One: Doubt**

A/N: I don't own them. Oh do I wish...but alas I must make do with fanfiction. My first Jake and Ness fic put up for your entertainment. ^__^

Ever since I could remember, I'd always had people telling me how beautiful I was. How special. How talented. How unique. How insert-adjective-here. I'd never had cause to believe otherwise.

And why should I?

My Mother, who in my not so humble opinion was the most beautiful being in all of creation, thought I hung the moon. And if that weren't enough my Father, who was beyond wonderful, worshipped the ground I walked on. Anyone would envy the fact that I had the world's most perfect parents; however, I didn't just have the world's most perfect parents, I had a whole perfect _family_:

Grandma Esme and Grampa Carlisle, who got huge enjoyment out of being called grandparents were beautiful of spirit as well as body. I could sit for hours with Grampa Charlie, his quiet pressence relaxed me, and I found him incredibly interesting. My breathtaking Aunt Rose was one of my favorite people in existence and she happened to spoil me rotten. Uncle Emmett gave the best hugs and he was incredibly generous with them. Not to mention the fact that he had the best sense of humor, even though it made my mother cringe with how crude it got. Uncle Jasper was sometimes stand offish with me but I knew it was mostly do to the fact that he loved me enough to not be around so my heart beat could hurt him. But even so, he was always there with his soothing gift the moment I needed it. Aunt Alice was my partner in crime, letting me know when my parents would catch me sneaking out to experience the college town night life with Jacob, just like she used to do in Forks whenever I'd sneak down to La Push to hang out with Embry, Quil and Jake.

Jacob...

I remember the exact moment I experienced doubt at my so-called specialness for the first time. We were out hunting, just Jake and I alone for the first time it what seemed like months which was getting annoyingly rare. (Thank goodness Mom and Dad decided to enroll full time at Dartmouth. It meant they couldn't come with us as much as they wanted, which displeased Daddy immensely and Aunt Rose too for that matter though I couldn't understand why.)

I giggled at the near identical sour expressions of Daddy and Aunt Rose whenever I announced I was hunting with Jake, or going for a walk with Jake, or playing video games with Jake, or do anything at all that involved Jake. Especially as I got older. Mom and Aunt Alice seemed to find it amusing as well. My giggling grew. I couldn't help it. Remembering the worry behind their scowls was a source of great amusement to me. Why would anyone need to worry about me at all? It wasn't as if it were easy to harm me. I was part vampire, and had a werewolf for a best friend.

My giggling drew a curious glance from Jacob.

"What are you laughing at Nessie?" It was the same as any other time: the affectionate use of my nickname in the husky voice I knew as well as my own. But unlike any other time a sudden awareness tingled through me, settling in the pit of my stomach and my body roused to Jacob's pressence in such a way that I felt heat suffuse my face and I froze, stunned. I'd always been aware of Jacob but this...this was different.

Jake was five feet away from me before he realized I was no longer beside him.

"Ness?" Confusion laced his voice now and the sound of it caused the tingling to become a burning. It was as though a volcanic eruption had occured inside me, one that had been building slowly and inevitably. I gasped softly, stunned. I didn't answer him right away. Shock at the way my body was reacting had silenced me.

In a movement to fast for the human eye to detect Jacob was at my side.

"Nessie? What's wrong?" I heard the first stirrings of panic setting his voice on edge and I tried to see myself through as I looked at the moment through his eyes:My face flushed. My eyes bright and unfocused as I turned inward in an effort to understand what was happening to me. My body rigid. No wonder Jake was panicking.

Still tingling, I turned towards him, smoothing my face into an impassive mask as I did so. I hoped as least some of the heat had left my face. I even managed to snort derisively for good measure.

"Nothing's wrong, _Fido_" I snapped impatiently, using Aunt Rose's favorite nickname for him. "I just thought I heard lunch nearby," I finished with the first lie that came into my head. I flinched. Lame excuse...

Relief spread across his face the same instant his megawatt grin did and he laughed. For some reason, he loved it when I called him Fido, probably because he could tell I didn't mean it in the same derogatory way Aunt Rose did.

His grin went from amused to teasing, pulling up into a sexy little smirk that-----

Whoa, putting the breaks on that train now. I would never be able to convincingly explain the blush that was sure to come if I let it form into a fully coherant thought.

"So Nessie," Jake said casually as we continued our hunt, "you _thought_ you heard lunch?"

My eyes narrowed dangerously. It was real bright of him to bait the vampire. Well okay so I'm half vampire but still. He was treading on thin ice. Again.

"It was a mistake," I grumbled, my ire growing.

"Sure Ness," he said, rolling his eyes. "Maybe you just don't want to admit you're losing your touch. That maybe the wolves have the advantage on hunting. Imagine having to explain that to your parents and Aunt Psycho."

He was baiting me. On purpose. He was the only person in the world who knew how to push my buttons and actually do so. Well aside from Uncle Emmett, who just pushed everyone's buttons because it was his chief pleasure in life.

I snarled a warning at Jake and deftly stepped in front of him to place my hand on his forhead, showing him what happened the last time he wouldn't let up on his teasing. It had taken him a day and half to heal from what I'd done to him. Of course Daddy, Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rose were in hysterics and Mom grounded me. She didn't have to though I felt bad enough and apologized to Jake for days afterward.

Jake looked at me afterward and quirked an eyebrow. Than he threw back his head and laughed at me. He _laughed_ at me. He was going to pay.

He was still laughing as he stepped around me and continued to walk, looking for a place to phase.

My ire flared into full out anger. With another snarl I launched myself at him, tackling him roughly to the ground, knocking the wind out of both of us.

Oops...

Silence.

Then...

From underneath me I felt a gentle vibration that turned into a slight wheeze. Soon, the sound grew like thunder and Jake was laughing with humor and mischief and an element of pure joy that that never failed to make itself known when I was around him.

The sound made me burn and through the heat I could feel that I was molded against Jacob and that his large hands fit into the curves between my waist and hips as if they had been specifically designed to do so. We'd been in positions like this before, one or the other (usually Jacob) being pinned down to the ground. No big deal. Except my new and extremely inconvienient awareness of Jacob had been absent.

On sudden impulse, I slid my hands down his chest to settle on the clearly defined six pack that now was a source of curious fascination. How could a grouping of muscles be so beautiful? I began to lightly trace them with my finger tips, giving in to my curiousity. Something inexplainable had come over me, temporary insanity maybe? Whatever it was, it made me want to touch Jacob and not stop.

Jacob had gone completely rigid underneath me. My fingers grazed the top of his sweats and he shuddered, his breath hitching in an interesting way.

I gasped in surprise when his hands suddenly grabbed mine, taking them off his stomach and pinning them to my chest. My eyes flashed to his. Was it my imagination, or did his pupils look a little dialated?

"Nessie---what are you doing?" His voice was huskier than usual and strained somehow. Hurt flooded through me. What had I done wrong?

"I don't know," I whispered, hanging my head. I really didn't know what I was doing. I hadn't really been doing anything that could be painful. At the most I was tickling him. Was that why he was reacting like this?

He still hadn't answered me and my eyes pricked. _I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. _

But my voice still wavered as I asked softly:

"Did I do something wrong?"

Alarm flashed across his face and he immediately pulled me close.

"No Nessie. No. I'm so sorry honey. I'm so sorry." His arms tightened around me and I didn't want to ever move. I liked it here. I was safe. Warm. Protected. I sighed and shifted so that I could place my hand to his cheek. I replayed the moment for him, showing him how he'd looked beneath me. The moment when his face had turned from playful to passionate to scared.

_What did I do?_

Jacob groaned and gently but firmly pushed me so I was at arm's length. "Ness, you did nothing. It's just that I--" He stopped.

"What?" I demanded.

"Nothing. It's nothing. Come on honey, let's go eat." He got up held out a hand to help me up. I refused it and got gracefully to my feet. "Jake," I said, not looking at him, "you better go phase if we're going to eat before Mom and Dad get out of class." He reached for me, but I stepped away and walked ahead of him. I felt extremely guilty for hurting him, I had never turned away in the whole of my life. But being close to him right now was just not an option. I didn't understand what was happening to me and I was still hurt from the way Jake had reacted.

Catching the sent of a herd of deer nearby, I shifted into a hunting stance and launched myself into the woods, the sad howl of a wolf following me.

*******

Authors Note: So? Good? Bad? Writing secondary characters is always hard. Whether they are yours or not. Anyways you know the drill. Ihope you all enjoy!


	2. Ambush

**Chapter Two: Ambush**

A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! I hope you like chapter two.

Three days after the incident with Jacob, Uncle Emmett ambushed me.

"Nes-Quik!" He boomed, coming into my room. He lifted me off my bed where I had been writing in my journal and gave me one of his bone crushing hugs. Which meant I couldn't breathe for a few minutes.

"Emmett, stop calling her that!" My mother shouted from downstairs. She tried to get my full name to be the norm but she was fighting a lost battle. Ten years of Jake calling me Nessie kind of defeated her purpose. But since when did Uncle Emmett listen to my mother? I had to agree with her though. Nes-Quik was pushing it. I'd rather be nicknamed after the Loch Ness Monster than chocolate milk.

Uncle Emmett released me and started laughing as he flopped on my bed. I fought the urge to groan. There goes _another_ box spring...

"So, Nessie girl, how's life?" he asked while I still recovered from my hug.

I was confused at the question. "Um...it's good?"

He gave me a "yeah right" look.

"Uh huh." he said, " So that's why you've been holed up in your room for three days avoiding your family. Because life is _good. _"

I was surprised to say the least. Out of all the people who could possibly notice something was wrong...Uncle Emmett?

I sighed and closed my journal, resting it on my nightstand. I wasn't getting out of talking. Uncle Emmett was shrewd, he would know if I was BSing him. Besides, I didn't usually hole up in my room for three days. He was right, I was avoiding everyone. I wasn't doing it for any other reason than privacy. I didn't want my father knowing about what had happened and as it was he would hear my questions and insecurities and if he knew then it inevitably followed that my mother would know, then Aunt Rose and Aunt Alice, Uncle Jasper and on through my family (immediate or extended) until there wasn't anybody that didn't know about what happened with Jacob and I would never hear the end of it.

Uncle Emmett put his arm around me and hugged me to him, more carefully this time.

"What's wrong Ness?" He asked, concern starting to show.

"I don't know." I said quietly, tucking my head under his chin.

"Is it the Border Collie?" He asked.

My head came up and hit the underside of his chin with enough force that if he'd been human, I would have broken his neck.

_How did he guess?_

I was too stunned that my devil-may-care uncle had guessed at the problem to be mad about him calling Jake a border collie. Again.

"How did you know he had something to do with it?"

He laughed.

"Nes-Quik what else could it be? I know you've been sneaking unchaperoned hunting trips behind your parents backs."

Betrayal flashed through me. Alice promised she wouldn't say anything! Uncle Emmett read my look.

"Nessie, relax. Who do you think helped Alice cover for you?"

_"You?"_

"Hell yeah!" he grinned. "Don't look so surprised. Much as I love your parents, they need to lighten up. Besides, it makes life interesting."

I snorted. Trust boredom to be a reason for my uncle to do anything.

"You know Ness I can always bust his knee caps. Or break his legs." Uncle Emmett said casually, even somewhat hopefully.

I pulled away from him and jumped off the bed. "Uncle Emmett!" The mere thought of my uncle even giving Jake a noogie had me incensed.

A booming crash sounded and Uncle Emmett and I looked towards my door in surprise where Aunt Rose stood, fuming, holding part of my door in her hand. Behind her stood my mother, with a look of resignation on her beautiful face. Great... I guess I had yelled too loud. Not hard to do in a house full of vampires.

"_What did you do to her!"_ Aunt Rose shrieked, starting towards Uncle Emmett in such a way that I almost felt sorry for him before I thought about him harming Jake. He was off the bed and against the wall before I could blink. He held up his hands to ward her off.

"Babe..."

"Don't you 'babe' me," Aunt Rose snarled. She turned to me, as furious and beautiful as a lioness. "What did he say Nessie?"

My mother spoke up before I could say anything.

"Rose, maybe I should talk with my daughter before you rip Emmett's head off."

That's when I realized that the audience to this disaster had grown. Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper were in the now crowded doorway with none other than my father, who to my surprise was smirking. What was so funny?

"Rose," he said, coming into my room.

She turned on him, hissing. "What?"

His smirk grew.

"Emmett offered to break Jacob's kneecaps. That's what upset Nessie."

I frowned. My father was getting way too much satisfaction out of his revelation.

My mother sighed and rolled her eyes. Aunt Rose turned back to Uncle Emmett with a suspicious look.

"Is he telling the truth Emmett?"

"Would I lie to you?"

And she believed him. Despite his crude behavior, Uncle Emmett was unfailingly honest, especially to Aunt Rose. She had no reason to question his word even if Daddy hadn't heard his thoughts.

The tension in the room started to thin out and I was grateful for Uncle Jasper's pressence.

"If it pleases the court," my mother spoke up wryly, "I still want to talk to my daughter. Alone."

As the rest of my family filed out the door, Uncle Emmett winked at me. "Offer's still on the table Nes-Quik."

"Shut up, Emmett," Aunt Rose snapped, pushing him out the door, but not before I saw the grin on her face. A look of concern passed between my father and mother, before he too, left.

I shut the door and turned to look at my mother. She opened her arms to me and I threw myself in them.

"Tell me whatever you can," she whispered, holding me tight.

*********

A/N: well...this was a little bit of a filler. Just trying to bring in the rest of the Cullens. the next chap is probably gonna be filler too....but hey filler chaps are necessary :) hope you enjoyed chapter two!


	3. Homesick

**Chapter Three: Homesick**

For awhile I stayed quiet in my mother's arms, and she did not press me to speak the way anyone else would have. My silence did not bother her as it would the rest of my family, with the exception of Grandpa Charlie. Jake would have started hyperventilating after the five minute mark, I thought, amused before I remembered he was the reason I was curled up practically in my mother's lap, feeling worse than I had in a long time. I sighed and felt my mother's arms squeeze me in a brief hug.

"Momma?" I said finally.

"Yes?"

"Do you ever miss Forks?"

She thought for a moment.

"You know, surprisingly, yes. Yes I do."

I sat up and looked at her.

"What do you miss about it?"

"Well, I miss your Grandfather of course. I miss the wolves. I miss Angela and Ben." she sounded a little wistful mentioning the last two. I knew it was because they were the only people who weren't creatures of myth that had truly cared about her.

"I miss the mansion. I miss our cottage. I miss the woods. And I miss Forks itself. It's where all this started. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world." She smiled gently, her eyes far away, remembering.

After a moment, she looked at me. "Are you homesick Nessie?" she asked, concerned.

I was. I had lived in New Hampshire for two years now and still felt the strangeness of it. The only thing that made it bearable at all was my family, and I didn't even have all of them. There were people, loved ones, I had had to leave behind. Having Jake around eased my homesickness even more, but he hadn't come around and it was starting to creep in on me.

"I miss Grandpa too. And my old room. And riding your old motorcycle to La Push. And Quil, Embry and Seth. I even miss Leah. She was just starting to warm up to me. And I miss cliff diving and---" my eyes were starting to prick and I blinked furiously. "And I miss _Jake_..."

"Oh Nessie..." my mother breathed, gently stroking my hair. "What happened with you and Jake? We could all tell something was wrong when he actually slept at his apartment for three consecutive days. Did you two have a fight?"

"No, because I could understand him not coming around. It would make _sense_.And since when has anything in my life made sense?"

My mother was confused. Her tawny eyes were clouded with it. "You didn't fight with him?"

I sighed again, this time in frustration. How could I make her understand what was going on when I myself couldn't make heads or tails of it? Well...if I was being really honest in order for her to understand anything I would have to explain about the hunting trips. Crap...

I took a deep breath, and began.

"Jake and I were hunting and I---"

I told the whole story, omitting nothing. This was my mother. The one person in the world who had the ability to keep my secrets and thoughts to herself.

By the time I was finished I wanted to cry again. I must have done something awful to hurt Jake and that's why he's been avoiding me. He was trying to spare me.

When I voiced that thought to my mother she hissed angrily.

"Jake's an idiot." she snapped. Temper flared in her eyes and I shrank back slightly. I wasn't afraid of her, despite having a pulse, it wasn't like I had to worry about becoming lunch or a Vampire punching dummy. I was however, worried about the state of my room. I wasn't sure it could take much more vampire temper.

My mother instantly relaxed when she felt me shift. Even after knowing all I did about my mother, her control always astounded me. Her compassion and desire to not hurt anyone were legendary in my family.

"Sorry," she said, somewhat sheepishly, looking for a moment like an awkward (although beautifully so) eighteen year old girl.

"It's fine Momma," I said, hugging her. "Jake _is _an idiot. But I still don't understand what's wrong with me."

"Listen to me Renesmee," she said fiercely, "you did nothing wrong. _Nothing._ You did not hurt Jake he's just...overreacting."

Now it was my turn to be confused.

"To what?"

I watched the expression on my mother's face. It looked twisted somehow. As if she were debating telling me something.

"What is it Mom?" I asked wearily.

She sighed and looked at me.

"Jake's just starting to notice how beautiful you are. He's not sure how to handle that."

Say what?

My mother noticed the look of skepticism on my face and sighed.

"When will you ever see yourself clearly Nessie?"

"I've looked the same for four years now Mom, I'm not ever going to look any different. If he didn't notice me four years ago he's not about to start noticing me now." I hated how bitter my voice sounded and hoped my mother didn't notice.

My mother's topaz eyes narrowed dangerously before she shook her head.

"Nessie, just...trust me on this."

My mother had never been a very good liar.

"Things were so much less complicated in Forks." I groaned.

"For you maybe," my mother said wryly.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I want to go home."

She knew what I meant.

"We're almost out for the summer, can you wait?"

I nodded and she hugged me.

"I've been wanting to go home too. Your grandfather has been bugging the hell out of me. He misses you."

"I miss him too. Has he been taking good care of my motorcycle?"

"Actually Nessie, I think he pawned the bike on Quil. He can't help worrying about you or me, even though he knows we aren't breakable."

A rush of warmth and affection for my grandfather came over me, and I laughed for the first time in three days.

My mother laughed with me.

She gave me a gentle hug and shifted me off her lap.

"Come on Renessmee, you need to eat."

"I'm fine." I really wasn't. I hadn't eaten in three days.

The expression on my mother's face turned mulish. Uh oh.....

"You go find yourself a deer or something or I swear I will order a pizza and make you eat it."

"Fine," I grumbled, annoyed. She had to pull the human food card. She knew I hated it.

Yeesh....vampires....

I loved my family. But the wolves were a little easier to deal with sometimes.

At least I'd be home soon, which meant I'd see Quil and Embry and Seth, and my grandfather and Angela and Ben and maybe I could sort out whatever weirdness I had going on with Jake that had him avoiding me.

I couldn't wait....

TBC

A/n: so???? yes I know its another filler. I'm sorry for the delay in updating, life has just been throwing me a lot of curve balls and I ve been extremely tired. Plus I have quite a few other fanfics to work on :) I have a vague idea of where this story is going so I hope you all enjoy!

with love

Rom


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